Quotes
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
- Sigmund Freud
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If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith.
- Albert Einstein
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For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much--the wheel, New York, wars and so on--while all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time.
But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man--for precisely the same reasons.
- Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
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America is a country of inventors, and the greatest of inventors are the newspaper men.
- Alexander Graham Bell
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As for me, all I know is that I know nothing.
- Socrates
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Death may be the greatest of all human blessings.
- Socrates
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Courage is the first of human qualities because it is the quality which guarantees the others.
- Aristotle
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To fight and conquer in all your battles is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting.
- Sun-Tzu
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"I know, I know. It's a Russian thing. When we're about to do something stupid, we like to catalog the full extent of our stupidity for future reference."
- Ivanova, Babylon 5
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"Harvey, kiss my medulla oblongata."
- John Crichton, Farscape
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"Boy, was Spielberg ever wrong. Close Encounters my ass."
- John Crichton, Farscape
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"That's your plan? Wile E. Coyote would come up with a better plan than that!"
- John Crichton, Farscape
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I hate it when villains quote Shakespeare.
- John Crichton, Farscape
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Bill Gates can't guarantee Windows. How can you guarantee my safety?
- John Crichton, Farscape
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"Eat any good books lately?"
- Q to Worf, The Next Generation
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"I assume the hand recognition panel works whether you are consious or not"
- Data, The Next Generation
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"Please Mrs. Troi! ... it's Worf not Woof"
- Worf, The Next Generation
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Dude, you've got some Artz on you
- Hurley, Lost
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Don't tell me what I can't do!
- John Locke, Lost
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Dare to be gorgeous and unique. But don't ever be cryptic or otherwise unfathomable.
Make it unforgettably great.
- Robert J. Mical, Amiga Intuition Reference Manual (1986)
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Computer games don't affect kids, I mean if Pac Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive music.
- Marcus Brigstocke
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Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.
- Pablo Picasso
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The mystery of life isn't a problem to solve, but a reality to experience.
- Reverend Mother Gaius Helen Mohiam, Dune
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Only an idiot fights a war on two fronts.
Only the heir to the throne of the kingdom of idiots would fight a war on twelve fronts.
- Londo Mollari, Babylon 5
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We need room to expand.
- Lord Refa, Babylon 5
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Why not? Only one human captain has ever survived battle with a Minbari fleet. He is behind me. You are in front of me. If you value your lives, *be* somewhere else.
- Delenn, Babylon 5
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Ah, arrogance and stupidity all in the same package. How efficient of you!
- Londo, Babylon 5
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Vir, intelligence has nothing to do with politics!
- Londo, Babylon 5
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I wrote an ad for Apple Computer: "Macintosh -- We might not get everything right, but at least we knew the century was going to end"
- Douglas Adams
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The Macintosh may only have 10 per cent of the market, but it is clearly the top 10 per cent.
- Douglas Adams
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The World Wide Web is the only thing I know of whose shortened form — www — takes three times longer to say than what it's short for.
- Douglas Adams
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There is a theory which states that if anybody ever discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.
There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
- The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy
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"Free at last. Free at last. Thank God Almighty I'm Free At Last."
Epitaph - Martin Luther King, Jr.
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What did they expect? When you sign a contract with Fox, you know you're going to be betrayed and humiliated.
- Bart Simpson
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...And then I had this dream that my whole family was just cartoon characters, and that our success had led to some crazy propaganda network called "Fox News".
- Bart Simpson
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So, five-card stud, nothing wild... and the sky's the limit.
- Jean-Luc Picard, The Next Generation
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Seize the time... Live now. Make now always the most precious time. Now will never come again.
- Jean-Luc Picard, The Next Generation
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Chang: "To be or not to be?" That is the question which preoccupies our people, Captain Kirk. We need breathing room.
- James T. Kirk: Earth. Hitler, 1938.
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You don't say! Doctor, you're not intimating that I'm some sort of spy, are you?
- Garak, Deep Space Nine
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I believe in coincidences. Coincidences happen every day, but I don't trust coincidences.
- Garak, Deep Space Nine
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Well, let me guess. You're either lost, or desperately searching for a good tailor.
- Garak, Deep Space Nine
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Nice.
- Hannibal Smith
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You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.
- Norman Douglas, 1917
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I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?"
- Jay Leno
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Go for the eyes Boo, GO FOR THE EYES!!
- Minsc, Baldur's Gate
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"Never pay more than 20 bucks for a game."
- Guybrush Threepwood
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"The whole is greater than the sum of its parts."
- Aristotle
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"Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window."
- Steve Wozniak
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"We will make electricity so cheap that only the rich will burn candles."
- Thomas Edison
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"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgot their use."
- Galileo Galilei
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"Our sun is one of 100 billion stars in our galaxy. Our galaxy is one of billions of galaxies populating the universe.
It would be the height of presumption to think that we are the only living things in that enormous immensity."
- Wernher Von Braun
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"If it is just us, seems like an awful waste of space."
- Ted Arroway, Contact
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Before we work on artificial intelligence why don't we do something about natural stupidity?
- Steve Polyak
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What is art? It is prostitution.
- Charles Baudelaire
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"Only wimps use tape backup: real men just upload their important stuff on ftp, and let the rest of the world mirror it ;)"
- Linus Torvalds
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"Back up my files?! Are you kidding? Is that a real thing you have to do? I always thought that that was just like... you know, a figure of speech."
- Strong Bad of Homestar Runner
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"I am a brain, Watson. The rest of me is a mere appendix."
- Arthur Conan Doyle
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A diplomat is someone who can speak without saying anything.
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"Life is short... stay awake for it."
- Caribou Coffee
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"Think"
- IBM, 1914
"Think different"
- Apple Computer, 1997
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Legge sulla saggezza di famiglia
Qualunque sia il tuo titolo di studi, la tua competenza professionale, la tua abilità in qualsivoglia attività, tua suocera ne sa sempre una più di te
- Annalisa Rizzi
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Hate the sin, love the sinner.
- Mahatma Gandhi
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A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.
- Sir Winston Churchill
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As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
- Woody Allen
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How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
- Woody Allen
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How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?
- Woody Allen
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I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.
- Woody Allen
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My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
- Woody Allen
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I never guess. It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts.
- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
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Terza Legge di Finagle
In qualsiasi insieme di dati, la cifra così evidentemente corretta da non richiedere un controllo è l'errore
Corollari:
1. Nessuno a cui chiederete aiuto la vedrà
2. Chiunque passi di lì per darvi un consiglio gratuito la vedrà immediatamente
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Principio di Shaw
Fai un programma che anche un idiota può usare e soltanto un idiota vorrà usarlo
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Legge di Gate sulla tecnologia
Se serve, non esiste.
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Tesi di Church-Google
Ogni problema intuibilmente risolvibile è calcolabile ed un suo algoritmo si può trovare entro la quarta pagina di Google
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Legge delle affinità elettive
Se due persone hanno qualcosa in comune, è probabilmente un difetto o un vizio.
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Legge del single
La lavatrice è il più grosso e il più ricco salvadanaio che abbiamo in casa.
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Il tempo e' relativo al lato della porta del bagno in cui vi trovate.
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Legge della compravendita
Quando compri il prezzo lo fa chi vende,
quando vendi il prezzo lo fa chi compra.
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Principio dell'inventore
Tutte le invenzioni geniali sono frutto di un errore.
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Legge di Osbourne
Le variabili non mutano mai, le costanti si.
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Prima legge del dibattito
Non discutere mai con un idiota: la gente potrebbe non notare la differenza
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Corollario di Farnsdick al quinto corollario della legge di Murphy
Dopo che le cose sono andate di male in peggio, il ciclo si ripeterà
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Legge di Boob
Si troverà sempre una qualsiasi cosa nell'ultimo posto in cui la si cerca
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Prima regola sull'inferiorità dei superiori
Non fare sapere ai tuoi superiori che tu sei migliore di loro
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Corollario di Murphy
Coraggio, il meglio è passato.
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Legge dell'eterno femminismo
C'è sempre un uomo a cui dare la colpa.
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Legge della via d'uscita
Lasciate sempre spazio per una spiegazione del perché non ha funzionato
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Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim.
- Bertrand Russell
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Considerazione sugli esperimenti di statistica
Se un milione di scimmie battesse a casaccio i tasti di un milione di macchine da scrivere per un milione di anni, probabilmente sprecherebbero un sacco di carta.
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Legge universale delle aziende.
Il dirigente guadagna, l'operaio costa.
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Legge dei programmi p2p
Più si guarda la finestra del programma p2p più questo scaricherà lentamente.
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Legge dell'autoriparazione applicata ai piccoli elettrodomestici
Appena lo butti tornerà a funzionare perfettamente
Se lo recuperi dalla spazzatura smetterà di funzionare fino a quando non lo butterai di nuovo.
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Consigli di Wallace Wood agli ingegneri
1. Non disegnare quello che puoi copiare
2. Non copiare quello che puoi ricalcare
3. Non ricalcare quello che puoi ritagliare e incollare
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Leggi dell'automobilitsta ritardatario
1. Quando sei di fretta troverai sempre traffico e la corsia opposta sarà sempre libera.
2. Quando sei di fretta il tempo per raggiungere un dato luogo non si dimezza bensì raddoppia.
3. Quando sei molto in ritardo, piove, fa freddo, ed è domenica sera, non scomodarti a saltare in macchina, tanto l'auto andrà in panne!
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Vote early and vote often.
- Al Capone
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The most perfidious way of harming a cause consists of defending it deliberately with faulty arguments.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
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Crash programs fail because they are based on the theory that, with nine women pregnant, you can get a baby a month.
- Wernher von Braun
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A Lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth.
- Patrick Murray
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Legge di H. L. Mencken
Chi sa fare, fa
Chi non sa fare, insegna
Chi non sa insegnare, amministra
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Life isn't worth living, unless it is lived for someone else.
- Albert Einstein
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Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
-Napoleon
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It is well enough that people of the nation do not understand our banking and monetary system, for if they did, I believe there would be a revolution before tomorrow morning.
- Henry Ford
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When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.
- Henry Ford
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A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
- Bob Hope
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Legge di Murphy Relativistica
Tutto va male nello stesso tempo
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Assioma di Tizianok
La sfortuna non è biodegradabile
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Assioma dell'esame universitario
Se passi le schedature dei libri a qualcuno, la probabilità che prenda un voto maggiore del tuo, avendo letto solo quelle, sfiora la certezza
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Legge di Jones sugli zoo e i numeri
Gli esemplari, gli oggetti o le opere più interessanti saranno senza targhetta
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If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive.
- Samuel Goldwyn